Haven't been blogging for a while. Well, that's because... hmm.

Well, first of all, as most of you will know, my comp crashed in the beginning of the year and hence, as a result, most of my photos were lost and sadly, I didn't manage to retrieve them. After this episode, I wasn't in any mood to take any more pics or upload them cos I think that it may be a waste of time should the comp crash again. [But now, I'm back... cos I've downloaded the photo organizing software which I think is better than the previous generation.]

Actually, many a times, I had wanted to blog. But, I ended up deleting the post as I think it's way too personal. Instead, I shared some of those deepest thoughts with my closer ones, or rather, those whom I'm comfortable with.

For the past few weeks, I've been rather busy. But in the midst of it all, I've managed to give myself a retreat, during which, I thought of many things.

I used to be a crybaby. I was proud to be one, really. Because, behind those tears, I cry to get my way. And I'm proud to say that most of the time, I did get my way. Someone whom I don't really like once told me that it's loser's behaviour to cry. I never buy it. Not even till now. It's been a while since I last cried. Now, I don't cry to get my way. The last time that I cried in front of my immediate family was in J1, the holiday before the first Common Test. They were worried, but knew that I'll be fine. They knew I'm the worrisome sort. The last time I broke down in front of my friends was in J2, just weeks before the 'A's. They too, were worried, for they never thought that I'll be that stressed. I never tear publicly after that, not that I remember. I just too afraid of the aftermath. Then, if there's a thing called crying publicly, then there's of course something called secretly crying. The last time I did this was... hmm, there's a reason why it's called secretly crying. =)

And I thought of a reason why I particularly dislike a someone. It's not simply because of his behaviours, attitudes and the things that he did or said... but rather, it's because he represents something, some memories from the past which I've long wanted to forget and free myself from. I guess, there are some things which one can't forget. I've thought of burying and embracing those pasts, and making them part of my growth nutrients, but I simply can't. I once shared these things with a close friend, for I know that it can be potentially damaging to my mental health or something like that, and I did thought of seeking psychological help. But, at this point in time, I think talking to someone whom I can trust helps, thankfully. Now now, don't give me the surprised look on your face that says this is not the side of me that you know. This is a dark secret that I've been keeping to myself for the longest time.