I really don't know what's happening to me. I don't seem to have the tenacity and perseverance that used to be so evident in me when I was in secondary school and college; then it was 'when the going gets tough, I'll get tougher'. Now, given a choice, I'm so tempted to give up.
I question my intentions to want to drop that module. Is it because I haven't been trying hard enough? Or is it because I just want to take life easy and relax? Or is it a strategy to maintain my CAP? Or is it because I really can't cope?
I seriously doubt it's the last reason.
But talking to friends and asking for their opinions really help. Thanks people. I feel so glad just to be able to talk to them.
Having new goals and plans in life simply feels so good.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Just a few months before my 21st birthday, many close friends have asked me about my ideal boyfriend. Mentors, SM and many of my friends in church have been concerned about what I look for in a relationship and what will attract me to a guy. Many also offered to pray for me.
Also, since goodness knows when, romantic relationships (or the lack of it) have been dominating the many conversions with good old friends whenever we meet up for dinner.
More recently, my dad had started bugging me about it. He asked about the guys in school, my social circle and kept asking me to just find a guy to go out.
The last time I was attracted to a guy (in the very least bit) was when I was in Primary five ( I think, or maybe Primary 6). I remembered what attracted me to him was his intelligence, smartness and wit. He was a good in his studies, plays the piano and excels in sports. One of the nicest things that he said to me was: “You have a good stamina”. We were running 1.6km around the school field and I was over-taking him. (Perhaps this is why I like doing long-distance running J)
I remembered being happy just to be able to see him in school and studying together. I enjoyed being able to sit beside him and will always act nonchalant about his presence, though I will always want to see his expression from the side of my eyes. How silly it was!
But admiration didn’t last long. Not because I was attracted to another smarter, witter boy, but because some other classmate liked him too! I didn’t like the ideas of liking the same thing as others; take Power Rangers for instance. I initially liked the Pink ranger, Kimberly. But after knowing that my cousin liked her too, I changed my favourite to the yellow ranger. I started liking the underdogs then.
Anyway, we lost contact upon graduation from primary school and though we attend the same college, we weren’t in the same faculty. He was doing arts, and me, science. But, it wouldn’t have mattered.
I really have forgotten how it is like being attracted to a guy, and its associated emotions. I went to a girls’ school after that and I was really in study mode in college. In university, hmm. Let’s put it this way; I don’t have many guy friends to begin with and I feel that I’m not quite ready for a relationship for I don’t think I’m one who can multitask. But I guess it will quite blissful to have someone to secretly admire too?
Though I feel that I’m not ready for a relationship at this point in time, if God places me in one or there is an opportunity for one, I think I may go for it. Isn’t life about taking risk and trying things out?
Also, since goodness knows when, romantic relationships (or the lack of it) have been dominating the many conversions with good old friends whenever we meet up for dinner.
More recently, my dad had started bugging me about it. He asked about the guys in school, my social circle and kept asking me to just find a guy to go out.
The last time I was attracted to a guy (in the very least bit) was when I was in Primary five ( I think, or maybe Primary 6). I remembered what attracted me to him was his intelligence, smartness and wit. He was a good in his studies, plays the piano and excels in sports. One of the nicest things that he said to me was: “You have a good stamina”. We were running 1.6km around the school field and I was over-taking him. (Perhaps this is why I like doing long-distance running J)
I remembered being happy just to be able to see him in school and studying together. I enjoyed being able to sit beside him and will always act nonchalant about his presence, though I will always want to see his expression from the side of my eyes. How silly it was!
But admiration didn’t last long. Not because I was attracted to another smarter, witter boy, but because some other classmate liked him too! I didn’t like the ideas of liking the same thing as others; take Power Rangers for instance. I initially liked the Pink ranger, Kimberly. But after knowing that my cousin liked her too, I changed my favourite to the yellow ranger. I started liking the underdogs then.
Anyway, we lost contact upon graduation from primary school and though we attend the same college, we weren’t in the same faculty. He was doing arts, and me, science. But, it wouldn’t have mattered.
I really have forgotten how it is like being attracted to a guy, and its associated emotions. I went to a girls’ school after that and I was really in study mode in college. In university, hmm. Let’s put it this way; I don’t have many guy friends to begin with and I feel that I’m not quite ready for a relationship for I don’t think I’m one who can multitask. But I guess it will quite blissful to have someone to secretly admire too?
Though I feel that I’m not ready for a relationship at this point in time, if God places me in one or there is an opportunity for one, I think I may go for it. Isn’t life about taking risk and trying things out?
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