Results was released a few days ago. I did alright i guess. Praise God for it. I used to have the urge to study harder the next semester, but this urge hasn't come yet. Maybe it wouldn't come. I guess it's probably because I'm tired. Not tired of studying per se but exhausted by the competition and having to compete with the others (due to the nature of the bell curve used in grading). I never like such competition; you know, i resented those times way back in my primary school days when my mum and those aunties will ask for your marks and comment on it and compare you with the rest of the cousins and your friends. And obviously it doesn't really help when you have smarter cousins and friends as in my case. I felt like I had o value in me and i will resent words and advice given to me by certain people.

I really think that this had affected my life; it's like a scar, the pain will fade, but the mark will always remain. It caused me not to dare to look back my primary school days.

Therefore, I always make it a point to remind myself that I will not cause such pain to my children (if i have any in the future).

I'm sure that there were times whereby you ask your friends how much they score for their papers and you'll feel secretly happy when you do better. But as I move up in my academic journey, I realise that this tires me out. I realise that what's more important is to improve and do better the next time round. Compete and challenge with yourself. Perhaps this is a more sustainable way to go for myself.

Looking back at the past few semesters, I think I've learnt a lot about letting go and letting God take charge. Not that I don't study and expect a miracle to happen, but that I study, do my best and leave everything else to God. I have to attribute this to my many bros and sis-in Christ and for their encouragements, prayers and love.

June will be the month of rest for me. But I'll continue to pray for those on missions. Come July, I'll be on attachment. And I don't want to know what's in store for August; at least not now.